Just one more time | Laxmi Hariharan

It’s been a while since I blogged.

But something happened a few days ago that threw me. It made me realize I was turning exactly into the kind of person I swore I’d never become. One driven only by money.

It crept up on me and I’ve seen it happen before too. Last year I made a pact to myself I’d focus on making money from my books. Immediately there was a marked shift in how I approached my writing and my mindset to life changed. I became more cut-throat, selfish. Parts of me which are always there but which over the years I had chipped away at as I hated it so much about myself. In a sense I turned to writing because it helped me understand not just my motivations but because I liked the kind of person it made me. Creative, in touch with myself, honest.

Yeah, I value authenticity and honesty above all else.

Yet, a few days ago I found I’d become everything I hate. Again. Just a few days after declaring my intent to become a full time author by end of 2017.

The pressure you see was on again. And suddenly that creative part of me, which I value the most took a back seat. I became bottomline focussed, ready to do what it takes to get what I want. And this incident brought home how much this attitude is not me.

Once more it’s clear that I need to do this in my own terms. So I am rephrasing my commitment here “I will become a full time author by end 2017, but… only if it is without compromising on my own principles.”

  1. I will write only what I believe regardless of trends, market, etc. Write only that which feels right for me.
  2. I will focus inwards even more. Keep digging in for that which is so dear to me. Step back from the chatter so prevalent. Embrace the silence and space I need to think. Embrace that which is right for me.
  3. I will do things but in my own time, work to a strategy which suits me. I will not be driven by someone else’s plan or timings. This is key. If I do it my own way, in my own time, I will not be tempted to bend the rules.
  4. I will do it. Just in my way. It may take me longer, but I’ll get there.

-Laxmi

 

 

 

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